


Not Fallen,  Still Caught

by thebaddesthero



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Pining Steve, Pining Tony, Praise Kink, Protective Avengers, Protective Bruce Banner, Protective Tony Stark, or we will see, the loki/thor is just mentioned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-23 20:58:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13796238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebaddesthero/pseuds/thebaddesthero
Summary: Steve is a mess. But not in all the good ways that Tony would approve of. He is a beautiful, broken mess, and Tony will make him see reason if that's the last thing he does alive.He will not fail him again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, sweeties! This is my first Steve/Tony fic I post online in English, so don't be shy and leave me feedback. 
> 
> xoxo

Bruce was in good spirits. He was actually in very good spirits, for once. He and Tony had just finished a week long project with a successful experiment. If they’ve got it right – and it just seemed so – they just found the perfect formula for painkillers that would erase any pain in a blink of an eye. And the best part was it had to work on Steve’s superhuman nervous system, too, without overwhelming and destroying his metabolism – they were actually trying to work out this for him, in the first place. Although – thanks for the serum – he healed four times faster than a regular human being would, his more serious injuries still wouldn’t heal for days after battles and watching him parading around the tower with broken bones and open wounds were pure torture even for his teammates, the poor guy actually thrown up because of the pain, sometimes, although he wasn’t supposed to get sick like that ever.

 

And then, we didn’t even mentioned the surgeries… There were times when something just needed to be taken out of his system – bullets mostly – and for everyone’s horror the doctors needed to cut him open and do their thing while he was completely conscious and aware, since there wasn’t any medicine in practice that would be able to knock him out or even ease a little bit of his pain. This happened exactly four times… The last one from three weeks ago was an experience that still haunted everyone in the tower and the hospital. The first three times were – not okay, not even a little bit okay – but with a lot of good will, bearable. Once he got bullets in his right thigh and twice in his shoulders. But this last one… He has got three bullets in his belly. And if that wasn’t painful, traumatic and _deadly_ enough, the doctors needed to strap him to a bed and save his life while he tried to get free and screamed at them to stop it and just, please, let him die, instead. Every people in the hospital heard him in spite of the soundproof surgery room.

 

He was the only one who got injured so badly in the former battle and the whole team was in the waiting room the entire time. Well, at least until it triggered Tony’s PTSD and he got a panic attack… While Bruce tried to calm him down, Natasha started crying uncontrollably, Clint went into shock in seconds and Thor fainted. Yeah, that big guy was just so terrified and sick with worry his nervous system couldn’t handle it and passed out completely. And the best, but strangest part in all of this is that, right after it happened and right before Bruce felt like the other guy would come out right away, Thor’s theoretically dead brother – Loki – materialized from nothing, watched them over with a deep frown on his forehead and sighed dramatically.

 

“Pathetic humans,” he muttered, like it wasn’t his brother who passed out, then waved his right hand towards them and suddenly everyone just came back to themselves in a moment, all calm and composed, except for Thor, who he scooped up into his arms – with his hammer and all – like he didn’t weighed like… 500 pounds and was almost three times his weight. “I will give him back to you when he is alright again. Well, maybe it will be a little while, we have some issues to talk over.” And just like that he vanished.

 

In some seconds Steve stopped screaming and before anyone could start to panic again – because Steve couldn’t just die, _their cap couldn’t just die like this_ – they heard a doctor shouting something like “What the holy hell just happened? The bullets have just flied out of him and he’s just fucking healed. HE’S FUCKING HEALED IN TWO SECONDS!”

 

“What the f…” Clint was rudely interrupted by a dazed Tony.

 

“Seems like our dear undead demigod nemesis has just saved the day, huh?”

 

So yes, this wasn’t an experience that any of them wanted to live through again, thank you very much. And since they couldn’t really recline upon Loki’s good intensions always, since the guy was a little bit… well, unpredictable and unreliable – and they didn’t hear anything about him or Thor since then –, they needed to find some solution to situations like this. Of course, the best would be if Steve just wouldn’t throw himself into harm’s way anymore, but since that was kind of a lost case in their profession they needed to find something else.

 

And they’ve just done that with Tony! They found a solution!

 

Well, it wasn’t completely perfect, since the surgeries still needed to happen while he was conscious, but at least he won’t feel any pain during them, anymore.

 

After their victorious experiment Tony just passed out from exhaustion in an armchair in one of the corners of Bruce’s lab and Bruce didn’t even think about disturbing him. He did very well and was a big help for Bruce, despite the fact human bodies and medicines weren’t his number one field of expertise. But Tony was just like this; if he set his mind on something, that incredible brain of his would never leave him in the soup. Especially if it was about his team’s safety and wellbeing. Especially if it was about _Steve’s_ safety and wellbeing!

 

Bruce’s just finished tidying up his lab and wanted to go and find Steve, so he could tell him the good news, when the door almost slammed into his face and a very upset looking Steve Rogers poked his head in.

 

“Oh, my god! Bruce, are you alright? Did I hit you with the door?” he rambled, watching over Bruce from head to toe, searching for possible injuries.

 

“No, I’m alright. You didn’t hit me with the door, it just surprised me,” he smiled kindly at their leader. Steve was always overly concerned with their wellbeing, also. Tony and he was quite the pair, almost like the mom and dad of their little superhero union.

 

“Oh, okay then.” His gaze fell onto the floor for a second, then he glanced almost shyly at Bruce. “Can I come in? I wanted to ask you about something. But I don’t want to disturb you, so…”

 

“No, no! Come on, in! Actually I just wanted to go and find you. I’ve got good news.” He beamed at Steve, who raised his right eyebrow and seemed quite surprised.

 

“Oh… What is it?”

 

“Tony and I just found the right formula for painkillers that even you can use safely. You don’t have to suffer from pain for days ever again,” he told Steve cheerily. Yes, he was cheery for once, so what?

 

But Steve’s reaction wasn’t anything that he would imagine. His face fell, and he got so pale in a moment that Bruce thought he would faint in any second.

 

“Steve, are you…”

 

“What? You guys did what?” he interrupted Bruce in an unbelieving stutter. “You were doing this the whole week? Is this why Tony was so exhausted during breakfast?”

 

“Well, yes. Tony’s got a little carried away, but hey, he is always like that when he is working on something, so…”

 

“But why? You didn’t have to…

 

“Well, okay, we didn’t have to, but we wanted to and…”

 

“It was alright. I can manage a little pain sometimes…”

 

“It wasn’t a little pain, Steve, no one should suffer like you, when there is a solution…”

 

“But there wasn’t a solution, you just worked yourselves almost to death because of me…”

 

“That’s not quite true, Steve. And we though you would be…”

 

“Happy? You thought that I would be happy because you guys wasted your time and energy and brilliance on me?” Steve stared at him like he was on the edge of a total mental breakdown. His pupils were large, his eyes too wet and he was still so very pale he seemed anything but the healthy 28 years old young man that he was.

 

Bruce was confused. He was so very confused.

 

“What do you mean we wasted our time on you? You are our teammate. Our friend. But even if we weren’t so close, we still would have wanted to help you, like any normal human being would.”

 

“BUT I DON’T DESERVE IT!” shouted Steve then collapsed onto the examining bed that he got from Tony like a joke-gift when he moved in the tower. His head held down, his shoulders slumped and his whole body shaking like he was crying… and yeah, he was actually crying. Tears run down on his now flushed cheeks like little rivers and soaked his light blue shirt into darker little spots where they landed on it.

 

Bruce just stared at him in disbelief for long moments, before he was able to process what was happening. Really, what was happening?

 

He cautiously stepped closer to his young teammate and gently put his left hand on Steve’s still shaking shoulder.

 

“Hey, big guy, what is the matter, hen?” he inquired in a light voice, not wanting to push Steve further into his misery. “You came here in the first place to talk with me about something, right? You seemed pretty upset even then. What is it? What happened? Is it Peggy? Has she passed…”

 

Steve shook his head “no” before he could finish his question, then wiped away his tears quickly with his left palm and – based on his still ragged breathing – forced himself to stop crying. He looked back onto Bruce’s face with so much pain in his eyes that Bruce almost choked on his own saliva.

 

“I… I’m s-sorry. I sh-shouldn’t have come here. Sorry.” He stuttered so quietly Bruce almost didn’t hear it, then wanted to stand up of the bed, but Bruce could push him back surprisingly easily into a sitting position. If he would be at his right mind and whole strength Bruce wouldn’t had a chance to do so.

 

“No, no, no! You’re not going anywhere in this state, buddy. We both will just calm down nice and quick and then you can tell me what’s the matter and we can find out something together to solve it, okay?” he asked in an even and sure tone, that seemed to work already, since Steve nodded weakly after a longer pause. “Okay, then look into my eyes and take long, deep breaths. Like this.” Bruce did exactly what he required from Steve and the younger man tried to copy him the best he could. First his breathing was still too fast and uneven from forced down crying, but slowly he managed to breathe in the exact same pace as Bruce, and soon he glanced down onto his lap with a deep sigh.

 

“Sorry, that was uncalled for,” he murmured.

 

“No, it’s alright. Crying is a good thing. Helps you with tension, stress and anger-management. I cry a lot, actually.” He squeezed Steve’s shoulder gently where he was still holding it in a reassuring gesture, then patted him and stepped back a little. “Okay, now tell me what’s up. For some unknown reasons I feel like you “not deserving our help” is a part of it somehow. Am I right?”

 

Steve nodded slowly, his gaze still stubbornly on his lap.

 

“Okay. So, do you kill babies in your free time? Rape virgin little girls? Torment animals for fun – and no, our resident hawk doesn’t matter, we all do that, ha actually requires it. So, do you do any of these activities regularly?” he asked Steve nonchalantly, trying to maintain the feeling of an easygoing conversation. And the answer was unequivocal, actually.

 

Steve stared at him, very pale again and offended, like he would start sulking even just from the fact Bruce dared to ask him such things.

 

“Of course not. How could you…”

 

“Sorry, sorry, I wasn’t accusing you, of course. Just wanted to make it clear you have to do such and similar things to don’t deserve our help, Steve. Even then it wouldn’t be morally acceptable to let you suffer like that when we could help somehow. The hospitals treat even criminals the same way like they would treat anyone else, so it wasn’t really fair you had to go through hell after you saved the lives of millions – milliards, actually, since you saved the whole world like how many times? Three? Four? And you aren’t even 30 yet. So tell me, what is so terrible about you that makes you so unworthy of help from your friends?”

 

Steve’s gaze fell onto the floor again and he tried to draw himself so little Bruce actually wanted to cry, because he looked like a little boy who was rightfully scolded for some badly succeeding mischief. 

 

“It’s not something that I did. It’s just the way I am,” he whispered weekly after a little while.

 

“What do you mean by that?” asked Bruce a little impatiently. The other guy hated when someone badmouthed his friends. Even when those people were his friends themselves, actually. Once Tony almost succeeded unleashing the Hulk on himself with similar antics. Seriously, these two… They should shake hands.

 

Steve glanced at him quickly, but almost instantly looked down into his lap, where he was picking at his fingernails nervously.

 

“I’m… I’m not normal. I have… a disease.” Steve blurt it out at last with so much disgust in his voice, Bruce eyebrows borrowed right away without his consent.

 

“You have… a disease?” Bruce asked back, just to make sure. Steve nodded without further ado.

 

“Okay…” Bruce sighed deeply and continued. “One, I’ve seen a lot of disease under the years, Steve, some pretty nasty, but I don’t know about even one that would make you rightfully as guilty about yourself as you seemingly feel. Two, I though the serum wouldn’t let you get sick. Three, you’re perfectly healthy, I examine even you in every month, if you’ve forgotten. And four… please, just be more specific, if you would. Please!

 

“I… I’m sure you know about this disease, Bruce, it’s not that rare, just very shameful. And I don’t know why the serum didn’t cure it, like my asthma. Well, probably Doctor Erskine didn’t even though he would be so unfortunate to choose someone so sick like me. And I didn’t tell him, because… Because I was sure if he’d known he wouldn’t have chosen me. And I just wanted to help so bad… And I wanted to go after Bucky and help him like he always helped me. And help other people. And do something right for once, so I could feel a little bit better about myself, but… It didn’t work. I still hate myself and… and I think I just can’t live like this anymore.” Halfway through his speech Steve started to fluster after air again and by the time he finished his whole body was shaking and his voice broke at least three times. He was damn near a panic attack.

 

“Woah, woah, big guy! Look at me!” Bruce stepped closer to him again, and put both of his hands on his shoulders in a calming gesture, but since Steve didn’t even register that, he gently tilted his head back, so he could find his gaze – that was foggy and distant, like he didn’t even see Bruce in front of him. That was just brilliant! Really!

 

“Steve, you have to look at me, and have to do exactly like I do, okay?” He didn’t get an answer, but wasn’t so surprised by it. He grabbed Steve’s right hand and put it on his chest, just above his heart and kept it there. “Steve, I know you are very far from here, but you have to come back, okay? We need you here. We are your friends and we would miss you very much if you stayed so far away for too long. So you need to come back, okay, buddy? You just have to concentrate on me. Do you feel my heartbeat?” He got a weak nod. “Okay, very well. Concentrate on it, and please look at me. I need you to look at me. Can you do that?” He got a nod again, and slowly Steve’s gaze focused on him. “You are doing very well, Steve. Now, I need you to take very deep breathes and let them out very slowly. I know you can do that. Come on, like me!” he hold the younger’s gaze and started to breath like he described. Long, deep inhales, slow, calm exhales. It lasted for some minutes still Steve could follow his lead, but eventually they got there. They were fine again. The both of them. At least for now.

 

“I’m sorry!” Steve murmured into his palms, releasing Bruce and covering up his face.

 

“It’s okay, Steve, you don’t have to apologize. This is hard for you, I can understand that.”

 

Bruce started pacing in a little distance from Steve, letting him compose himself, and really, he needed some minutes to cool down completely, too.

 

After a long, tense silence, Bruce took a last, calming breath and stepped back in front of Steve, gently patting him on the back.

 

“Okay, we are almost there. Now, you just have to tell me very specifically, and if you pleas, bluntly, what is this disease that you are talking about, Steve, because I know for a fact that, next to some pretty nasty past traumatic stress disorder and – for some reasons that I can’t even wish to understand – very low self-esteem, there’s nothing wrong…”

 

“But there is!” Steve almost shouted at him, but then he continued in a much more considerate way. “There is. I…” He stared at his lap, again. “I desire male bodies over females...”

 

“Wait, you are trying to tell me that…”

 

“I’m a homosexual, Bruce!” Steve confessed in a tone that would be acceptable for a seven years old while announcing he accidentally loved the family’s pet hamster to death, but not for a 28 years old grown man while admitting his sexuality in the 21th century.

 

What the holy hell?

 

Bruce never was so sorry in his whole life for not getting another PhD in psychology. And he was so very sorry about it for so many times with these teammates of his…

 

For some time, they just stared at each other. Well, Bruce did the staring at Steve thing, and Steve did the staring at everything, but Bruce thing.

 

 For quite a long time.

 

A very long, long time.

 

An inappropriately long time, actually.

 

By the time Steve shook his head and sighing a big, brought his head down again, Bruce’s eyes were almost dry from not blinking.

 

“There. Now you know how sick I am.” Steve sounded so broken Bruce wanted to gather him up in his arms and pet him the whole evening. He’d never got similar desires before with his teammates. With anyone. Or with anything else, really.

 

“Okay. Just to make it straight. You are gay, you think it’s a sickness, you hate yourself because of it, and you came to tell me this because you want to… cure it?”

 

Steve nodded with resignation.

 

“If there is a way… I know it wouldn’t work on me, but if there is a way… then maybe someday I could…”

 

“There’s no way to cure it, Steve, for god’s sake!” he cried, but regretted it immediately when his gaze locked with teary, hopeless, baby blue eyes. The poor guy seemed so broken he wanted to cry for him for a week, at least.

 

“No, no, no. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry. I’m just nor really good in this kind of things. You should have gone to Natasha or Tony, they would…”

 

“Tony! No! No Tony! Please, don’t tell this to Tony. He would hate me. Please, don’t tell anyone. Please!” Steve actually begged and cried. Here was in front of him the national hero of America, begging him not to tell their age’s bisexual icon about his homosexuality.

 

Bruce loved his life among the Avengers. New days, now challenges.

 

“Steve, please calm down! I won’t tell anyone, I promise. It’s not my business, really. And Tony wouldn’t hate you. No one would hate you because such a thing… Well, some people might, but they are primitive assholes, you don’t have to care about them. Your friends, and really, the most people in this country wouldn’t judge you for your sexual orientation. If you told the others, Natasha would hug you and pat your cheeks, shouting ‘Finally!’. What do you think why does she always want to set you up with different girls, hn? Clint would shrug and ask you if you wanted a go with him, because although he is totally straight, he would totally ride Captain America’s dick – using his words, not mine. Thor is actually head over heels with his brother, no matter how many times they tried to kill each other. I think they are making babies at the moment…”

 

“Is that even possible?” Steve inquired weakly, furrowing his brows.

 

“Yes. Loki is a tiny frost giant. Their anatomy is not like ours. They don’t have male and female individuals.  They appear like males, but they have female parts, too.”

 

“Oh… Okay. That is a little bit too much information about Loki’s bits, I think.”

 

Bruce smiled gently at his younger teammate’s contemplative face.

 

“Well, yes, maybe. Sorry. Once I asked Thor about the biology of alien kinds, and he only described me how incredibly soft his brother’s hair is and velvety his skin, how long and smooth his legs are, how he doesn’t have ANY body hair, and…”

 

“Bruce, please! I’m close to start idolizing Loki and it’s a very strange feeling. What if he goes mad again? I wouldn’t be able to fight him while secretly thinking he is a soft kitten.” Steve interrupted him, and Bruce was very grateful for it, actually. Damn Thor, and his two hours long rant about that little trouble maker.

 

“Yes, yes. Sorry! The point is that Thor wouldn’t understand why you would tell him about your sexuality. On other planets there aren’t really such things as heterosexuality and homosexuality and the others. He doesn’t understand why we can’t just love and don’t worry. That guy will be a great king one day. And Tony… Well, Tony is unpredictable. He may slap your ass and welcome you in the triumphant club or just smile at you and mess up your hair. He is a moody person.”

 

“Wait! Are you telling me that Tony is… Is he homosexual?” asked Steve in a confused stupor.

 

“No, not exactly. He is bisexual. Well, more like pansexual, really, but for now I feel like the concept of bisexuality would be enough for you to understand.”

 

“Bi? He likes males and females, too?” When Bruce nodded, Steve’ frown deepened. “He can’t choose? Why wouldn’t he choose females, like a normal person, when he is able to? Why would he rather be sick? I don’t understand.” Steve started sounding like he was in a very deep despair, and Bruce wanted to shake him. Of course, he didn’t do such a thing. This whole mess wasn’t the poor guy’s fault. This was mostly the team’s fault, really. How could they not notice the misery that their leader was in every day, was beyond him.

 

“Steve… I know that you are a highly intelligent person and usually don’t let anyone influence you, but… You are just too kind, sometimes, and don’t want to disappoint anyone. Did you tell about your orientation to anyone before?”

 

Steve nodded.

 

“Who?”

 

“I was twelve when I first noticed it. In school I couldn’t go to PE, cuz’ of my asthma, so I had plenty time to… admire the male PE class. Once another boy broke his leg and sit with me during one class. He pointed out how pretty the girls were, and I just didn’t understand… I told my ma I didn’t know what was wrong with me, why I was rather noticing the boys over the girls.”

 

“Okay. You were pretty young, but it’s normal. How did your mom react?”

 

“She started to cry and begged me to never tell anyone. I think she just didn’t want to give the other boys one more reason to beat me up.” Steve shrugged.

 

“Yeah, that’s how mothers can be, sometimes. I’m sure she was just very worried of you, but she did the wrong thing. She should have told you she still loved and supported you.” When Steve shook his head in denial, Bruce waved him down. “Did you tell anyone else?”

 

“Yes. After my ma… passed away…” There was a haunted look on Steve’s face that Bruce tried not to notice. He failed. “I was sent into a catholic home. I told the priest during a confession.”

 

 “Hmm… And what did he have to say?” Bruce had a bad feeling about this one. A very bad feeling.

 

“He was very angry that I didn’t tell him until then. He told me homosexuals went to Hell and I needed to pray every day and do a lot of good things to atone.” Steve’s gaze got distant again and he bite into his lower lip so hard, Bruce was afraid the thin skin will break.

 

“Steve, that’s not the whole story, am I right?” he inquired gently. Steve nodded. “What happened?”

 

“He… he caned me in front of the other kids, while… while quoting something from the Bible. Something like what will happen to sick little hedonists like me in Hell…”

 

“He… he caned you?” Bruce’s hands started to shake. The other guy was pretty restless by now.

 

“Yeah. I had the marks, until the Serum vanished them. After that I wasn’t allowed to shower with the other boys or sleep in the boy’s room. I was sent to shower with the girls and they laughed at me so much. And I had to sleep in the priest’s room. He liked to… watch me.”

 

“WHATCH YOU?” Bruce asked flabbergasted. He seriously wanted to cry. “Did he… did he ever touch you?”

 

“Sometimes I had to… I had to sit in his lap, while he… did something. I didn’t know what, back then, and now, I don’t want to think about it.” Steve shook his head so vehemently Bruce was afraid of a concussion.

 

“Steve, that’s…”

 

“After that I told Bucky,” continued Steve without even acknowledging his interruption. Maybe it was better this way. Bruce didn’t know what he could have said, anyway. “I know I shouldn’t have told him after everything, but… I loved him like a brother and… and maybe a little bit more and I didn’t want to lose him, but… I felt like he deserved to know how sick I was.”

 

Bruce bit his lip not to shout and nodded, “What did he tell you?”

 

“He told me…” Steve’s voice trembled, “he told me absolutely nothing.” Now it broke, but he continued talking. “He just… he just looked at me for a long time, then… then he started talking about the baseball match that we were supposed to go that afternoon…” His tears started to flow again. “I… I was preparing to tell him for such a long time. Months, actually. And he… Even that would have been better if he’d shouted at me or hit me, but… He just… After that he tried to set me up with girls almost every day. I hated him for it, really… But I still… I still loved him…too…”

 

“Oh, Steve…” sighed Bruce, distressed. “Can I hug you? Please?” Bruce wasn’t particularly fond of bodily contacts, but he felt like Steve needed it now more than any comforting words. And well… he needed it, too.

 

Steve shrugged his shoulders and stared in front of himself lifelessly.

 

“If you are not too disgusted to touch me,” he murmured.

 

“Disgusted to touch you… Oh my… Okay, I’m actually disgusted by the things that you had to go through because of your sexuality, but not by you. Holy bread! Steve, look at me!” He grabbed the younger’s left shoulder and wet right cheek, so he can urge him gently to do so. “Your sexuality is not a sickness. It’s perfectly normal to be gay, okay? You are a sweet, kind, devoted, intelligent person. Brave, too. And strong. Not just physically, but mentally, too. Although everything that you went through you are here. You are living an exemplary life and fight every day to make the world a better place. Christ, the world is a better place thanks to you!” he cried hopelessly, when Steve shook his head at him.

 

“That’s all just a lie. I did everything to…”

 

“Atone? That’s just stupid, and you know it. Do you remember what happened with the Red Skull? Do you?”

 

Steve nodded.

 

“Right. He was a bad person before the Serum. After it he became a monster, because it made stronger his bad attributions. If you were a bad person before the Serum who just pretended to be good, you would have got the exact same destiny, too. The Serum couldn’t separate good features from bad, it just made your mind a little bit stronger, and healed and patched up your body pretty nicely. But it didn’t change who you were before it and that’s because you were and still are a damn decent individual, Steve. So, shut up, now, and come here, before the other guy come out to smash this into your pretty little head!” he blurted out and hugged the younger to himself tightly, before he could say anything else that would be just enough to force out a green code.

 

For some seconds Steve was stiff and tense in his arms, but soon he hugged him back insecurely for first and in a little while he fisted his hands into the back of his shirt and clung to him, like this was the first time anyone hugged him since… ever. He became completely pliant against Bruce and sobbed uncontrollably into his shoulder.

 

“That’s it. Just cry. You are doing great. You are doing very great, Steve,” he patted lightly the younger’s back and his weeping intensified immediately.

 

“I… ‘m go-good…” he sobbed almost inaudibly.

 

“Yes, you are,” answered Bruce matter of factly.

 

“N-not… si-sick…”                                              

 

“No, you are not.”

 

“G…good….”

 

“Yes, Steve, you are good. Very good.”

 

“Not… not s-sick…”

 

“No, you are not sick. You are a perfectly healthy young man.”

 

It seemed like slowly Steve started to accept this. He shakily nodded into Bruce shoulder, then continued to cry quietly. Bruce just patted and rubbed his back in a fatherly, calming gesture and let him cry out all his sorrow and misery. Steve deserved this – and so much more –, rightfully.

 

He rested his head on top of Steve’s – because his neck started to hurt a little bit from standing so still for so long – and thanks to the new angle of his vision he found himself face to face with a seemingly perfectly shocked Tony. Holy bread! He totally forgot about him being in the lab, while he tried to calm Steve down…

 

Tony was still in the corner, where he passed out after their successful experiment, but he wasn’t balled up in the armchair anymore. He stood awkwardly in front of it, but it seemed like his legs would give up in any moment. His hands were squeezed into so tight fists, they were actually white already, and his eyes were too large and too bright.

 

When, after long moments, he noticed that Bruce was looking at him, he shook his head a little, forcing himself out of his pseudo shock, and slowly raised his hands to give Bruce two definite thumbs-up, mouthing ‘Well done!’.

 

Bruce nodded at him a little ‘Thanks!’, not wanting to disturb the still weeping Steve.

 

‘Should I come out?’ Tony mouthed again, looking worriedly between Steve’s shaking back and Bruce’s face.

 

Well, that was a good question. Steve thought he was alone with Bruce during this whole time, because he was actually too agitated even when he first came in the lab to notice the peacefully slumbering Tony in the corner, so he could feel a little betrayed if Tony just came out from behind his back – no matter how even Bruce’s forgot about him. But on the other hand, Tony was his best friend, and – like now he know it – another LGBTQ individual, and he seriously needed all the support, that he could get right now. And Tony was so much better in almost invisibly taking care of each person of his team than himself that he couldn’t find the words to describe it.

 

Finally he mouthed back, “I think so.”

 

Tony swallowed a big at his answer, but nodded, composing himself right away and with some extraordinarily big steps, strode towards them confidently.

 

There wasn’t any insecurity in his voice, when ruffling the still quietly crying Steve’s hair, he said, “Hey, Spangles! I’m quite offended you’ve just changed me down to our Brucie here, when my poor person is a completely good listening audience, too. Of course, I know he is a damn swell fella, he is the sun of my moon, really, but still, I’m hurt, Steven. And just let me warn you, he won’t watch Vampire Diaries with you, ever. He doesn’t like sparkling vampires, he is not that kinda guy.”

 

Steve went rigid in his arms the moment, he recognized Tony’s voice and started wiggle out of the hug straight away. Bruce let him go with a deep sigh.

 

“That’s actually the Twilight series you are talking about, Tony,” answered Bruce nonchalantly, while trying to jump away from an abruptly standing up Steve.

 

“Aren’t they the same? I always thought…” Tony stopped his ramble immediately when his gaze settled on Steve’s face. Bruce now actually choked on his saliva and went into a coughing fit that the other two successfully ignored.

 

“T… Tony…” stuttered Steve in a broken voice, then quickly wiped away the wetness of his face, like that was the only betraying clue of his past activity. Well, it wasn’t. His cheeks was unhealthily flushed, his eyes red end puffy and his lower lip was bleeding. He bitten it raw, miraculously.

 

“Was you… was you here the whole time? I thought…” he gave Bruce a betrayed look, who’d just stopped coughing, but wanted to start into a new fit immediately. Of course, he rather forced himself to speak.

 

“He was…” But Tony just waved him down gently and stepped closer to Steve, so he could wipe down the blood from his lower lip and chin with a clean lab shawl. Steve started from his touch but after that let him do how he pleased.

 

“I’m sorry, champ. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, really. I was just taking a nap in that armchair over there, when you came in and started to shout at our good doctor here, waking me up. And after that… after that it just didn’t seem right to disturb you. So I stayed. And I’m glad. Sometimes you almost sent me into cardiac arrest, but I’m still glad. Because…”

 

Steve slapped away Tony’s gentle hands from his face and stepped away from them. His features changed from broken into angry in a blink of an eye.

 

“Why? Because now you know that you were right. That you were right about me all along?”

 

“Hey, hey, hey, parade rest, soldier!” Tony hold up his hands in complete surrender. “What are you talking about, Steve?”

 

“I’m talking about the fact how right you were even when we first met and you told me everything special about me came out of a bottle.” Steve’s lips transformed into a sarcastic smirk, that was really, just a mocking grimace of his usual, sunshine of a smile.

 

“What?” asked Bruce in total disbelief.

 

 Tony wasn’t rendered speechless so many times, but there were occasions when even he was failed by words. This was one of them.

 

“Well, now you know, at least.” Steve shrugged then looked at Bruce. “I really shouldn’t have come here. I’m really sorry for your trouble, Bruce. And I… Thank you!” he gave Bruce a little, but real smile and was out of the lab so fast, the two scientists couldn’t even process it straight away and stared at the place where he was just standing for quite a while.

 

By the time Bruce accepted what happened Tony was pacing in front of him with mad speed. It was a wonder he didn’t get dizzy.

 

“Damn it all!”

 

Bruce and Tony agreed in a lot of things. This was definitely one of them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We have some overprotective Avengers here, darlings. They meant no offence to anyone, really. They are just worried and angry. Also, Tony is hurt a little, too...

 

Tony wanted to cry. He actually wanted to nest up in his bed and weep for a fucking month.

 

How could this happen? How? They were a team, a happy little family, really. Sometimes he thought he knew his teammates better than even himself, and still… _and still_! Here was this kid. This sweet, loveable, energetic, _heroic_ kid… This kid, who was actually called _Steven Rogers_ alias _Captain Fucking America_ whose beautiful little mind was a _broken fucking mess_!

 

And the best part? The best part? The best part is that _no fucking one knew about it until now_! They had been living together for almost two years now, and no one…

 

No! Wait! There is a better best part. The better best part is that _HE_ _fucking didn’t know about it until now_! They were fucking _besties_ and he didn’t even fucking suspect… Okay, okay, first of all, he needed to stop internal swearing, because Steve would be very disappointed in him, if he could hear his thoughts right now. And he didn’t want to give him even just the littlest bit of reason to feel disappointed in the rest of his life ever again.

 

He just couldn’t really comprehend how Steve went through all this shit without anyone knowing about it, but still being the sweetest thing in the whole _fucking universe._

‘Well done, Anthony!’ He almost heard his father’s sarcastic voice. ‘You want to save the world but you can’t even take care of your friends. Pathetic.’

 

Of course, he was just imagining things. His father wouldn’t stand next to Steve in this. He despised even the fact someone could be anything else, but heterosexual. Or probably he just despised Tony in general, and his bisexuality was only something to pick on from time to time. Maybe if he’d known that Captain America, his greatest creation, was gay… Maybe then Tony had a chance to…

 

No, no, no, no! He had to stop thinking like this! Steve wasn’t his father’s creation. Maybe his body was patched up by his machine quite spectacularly, but Steve was just Steve. _His Steve,_ for fuck’s sake! He wasn’t just some…

 

“TONY! Tony, Tony, Tony! To! Ny!” He suddenly heard Bruce’s agitated voice. The poor guy sounded so desperate, he almost tripped in his own foot, recognizing it.

 

He immediately turned toward him, already fearing a green code, but fortunately Bruce was a wonderful human being; although he started panicking slowly, he wasn’t too deep yet.

 

“Sorry, Bruce. Did you say something?” he asked in a calm, pulled-together sounding voice. Although he was anything, but. They both knew it.

 

“Oh, thanks God, you are here!” sighed dramatically the doctor. Bruce liked to whine, actually, especially when he was tired and near to lose control, but no one know this about him, except Tony. “I was afraid for a minute… Please, calm down, Tony. I can’t handle a third panic attack today without going green, so please…”

 

“Alright, alright! I’m calm. I’m perfectly calm. Actually, I have some questions, what do you think about talking them over?” He sit down on the examining bed, exactly where Steve was sitting some minutes ago.

 

“We should do that, if that will help you to calm down.” Bruce sit next to him and patted his right thigh kindly.

 

He knew how Tony felt about Steve… Well, no, not really. No one really know how he actually felt about Steve, but he knew that Tony was very protective over their leader and literally could kill for him. Not like Steve would ever let him do so, but still. Maybe he suspected some big brotherly love or… Well, knowing Thor and Loki and their ‘brotherly love’ for each other, he wasn’t so wrong…

 

So Bruce knew he needed to talk this whole thing over or he would just go back to his workshop and drink himself half to death. That wasn’t something that the team needed to experience again if not necessary.

 

“So first of all… How could I fail this kid so spectacularly?” started Tony after taking a ragged breath. “Bruce, I… I failed him such a big time, I just want to crawl in front of him and beg him for forgiveness.”

 

“This isn’t only your fault, Tony. The whole team failed him,” said Bruce, thinning his lips into a fine line.

 

“He is such a sweetheart, he was always there for us, always pulling us out of the deepest shits, and we just… We just let him down like this.” Tony shook his head when Bruce wanted to interrupt him. “It’s not like there weren’t signs. The kid doesn’t sleep, for fuck’s sake! He is with me every night in my workshop, and while I do my crazy science, he is twittering his dear little heart out about his new drawing tools or about the fan-mails he got from little kids – while he responds to all of them personally, Bruce, _all_ of them! –, or how much he is worried about Thor and how much he misses his sparring buddy. He teaches Dum-E how to make proper sandwiches so even when he is injured and can’t force feed me I won’t starve to death. And when I pass out around dawn on the couch and wake up in the morning, he is still there, drawing quietly or making me coffee. By the time I’m showered and dressed up, he is off to run like 30 miles or punch apart 3 punching bags. Then he trains with us or goes to charity events to help. And I didn’t even realize this until now. I just… I just liked to have him around all the time. I’m a selfish piece of shit.”

 

“You are everything but that, Tony.” Bruce offered him a gentle smile. He couldn’t say anything else.

 

Tony scoffed in respond, but didn’t pry the subject anymore.

 

“Do you think he hates me now?” he asked instead.

 

“Of course, he doesn’t hate you.”

 

“But do you think he seriously believes what he said? That I think everything special about him came out of a bottle? It’s true I’ve never apologized for it, but I thought he knew I said it only because of the scepter.”

 

“He knows that, Tony. He is just very ashamed of himself right now. He never wanted us to see him break down like this. Anger is a self-defending method most of the time. And he likes you a lot. Didn’t want you from all people to see him so vulnerable. He just recognized his sexuality isn’t a sickness and started to accept it – at least I hope so. Give him some time. He will come around, eventually.”

 

“Okay, but until then I will go and hunt Barnes down,” Tony said decisively. “He will be very sorry he is not brainwashed anymore when I will be done with him.”

 

Bruce almost choked on a surprised laugh.

 

“You won’t do such a thing. I don’t think he wanted to hurt Steve deliberately, he just wanted to protect him in his own way.”

 

“He still hurt him more than anyone else,” objected Tony vehemently.

 

“Tony, do you know what age that two came from? The second Word War, Tony! Homosexuals was slaughtered like animals every day.”

 

“Not in the USA!”

 

“No, but it was considered a sickness even here by most people. Barnes just… didn’t know better, just like Steve.”

 

“I fucking hate this!” stood up Tony suddenly and started to pace again. “Yeah, right. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, isn’t it? I feel sick.”

 

“I kind of feel that way, too,” grimaced Bruce.

 

“Okay, I just… I will calm down now, and go back to my workshop and argue with Dum-E or something.” He turned toward Bruce and gave him a tired smile. “You go and lay down, try to sleep. You deserve it all right.” He patted Bruce on the back, who shrugged at him then shook his head.

 

“I tried my best.”

 

“You did great. If he’d come to me with this… I think I would have jumped out of the window halfway through it.”

 

“No, you would have called Pepper,” rolled his eyes Bruce with a little smirk on his face.

 

“Yes, I would have totally done that. And then Steve would have thrown me out of the window.”

 

“That’s quite accurate.”

 

“Well, night then!” Tony started to walk toward the door.

 

“You should sleep too, Tony,” called Bruce after him.

 

Tony just hummed in respond, but turned back to him after he opened the door with an amused smirk on his face.

 

“Oh, and, Bruce, do you have any idea why I have the sudden, uncontrollable urge to – next to as dreamy things as beating my head against a wall and drinking myself unconscious – write an ode to Loki’s legs. Do you? It’s quite creepy.”

 

Bruce brought his head down in defeat and grunted.

 

“Go to sleep, Tony!”

 

 

 

***

 

 

Tony woke with a start. Not from a nightmare, no. The reason was so much more magnificent.

 

There was a tiny, but firm hand fisted into the front of his shirt, that pushed him up to the back of the couch and something cold and sharp-feeling squeezed to his neck.

 

He narrowed his eyes at the person, who was responsible for his rude awakening, trying to chase away the dreamy fog from his brain.

 

When his eyes focused on the perpetrator eventually, he wasn’t overly surprised by the fact he recognized vivid red hair and pretty, grey, murderous eyes.

 

Hurray for living with super ex-assassins!

 

“’Thasa, what…” he started confusedly, but was interrupted by the knife being squeezed to his throat more firmly.

 

“What have you done, Stark?” Natasha barked at him with a tone akin to acid. At least Tony suddenly had the desire to dissolve from it.

 

“Hey, I haven’t done anything, was just sleeping. Or… I don’t know. Was pretty out of it last night. Did I unleash an angry, homicidal robot army on the world or something? I didn’t do that, did I?” He started to panic. This wouldn’t be the first time he did something stupid while mindlessly working in his workshop.

 

At least, Dum-E chirped indignantly in the background on his behalf, so he could be pretty sure he didn’t commit anything overly terrible.

 

“Jarvis, what have I done last night after coming into the workshop?” he asked his AI just for good measure.

 

“You drank eight coffees, sir, then argued with the bots. When they started to sulk, you tried to argue with me but failed, of course, so you decided to take apart three of your suits. If you look over Miss Romanov’s shoulder, you can admire their parts scattered all over the floor. After that you passed out on the couch, exactly 34 minutes ago,” responded the AI’s amused voice.

 

“See, ‘Thasa, I was just working down here like the good boy, that I am,” he grinned victoriously at his teammate, but recognized his mistake instantly when the blade’s blunt side started to cut off his air. Not completely, but still pretty uncomfortably.

 

“What have you done before it?” Natasha literally hissed at him.

 

“I was with Bruce, okay!?” he answered, near panicking “You know Bruce, he wouldn’t let me do anything overly idiotic. J, tell her I was with Bruce!”

 

“Mr. Stark was indeed in the companion of Doctor Banner, Miss Romanov. If you, please, would be so kind and let Mr. Stark go before Dum-E exploded from worry, that would be deeply appreciated.”

 

“You are underestimating yourself, Stark,” said Natasha, but listening to Jarvis, she slowly released Tony.

 

He coughed when the air started to flow freely in his airways again. Not, because it was necessary, but because he wanted to demonstrate how deeply hurt he was from the rough handling he got from his teammate.

 

Natasha rolled her eyes, while she sit back onto her shin.

 

“Please… I’ve seen you suffocated for five minutes by giant, alien monkeys and you didn’t even fluster after air when Thor got you free. You are a robot, you don’t need oxygen.”   

 

“I’m a robot that needs a little bit of oxygen every now and then. And his blood! Before you have the sudden urge to bring that knife near my throat again,” he eyed the blade in Natasha’s hands suspiciously. She was delicately playing with the knife, her fingers gently roaming over its shiny metal.

 

“Then I advise you to tell me what you’ve done to Steve very quickly,” she ordered – _ordered!_ – him. Seriously, teammates, nowadays…

 

“Why, what happened to him? Is he alright? Is he hurt? IS HE DEAD??!!”

 

Tony started to feel a panic attack coming up, he got so worried suddenly.

 

But before he could drop too hard, Natasha waved him down.

 

“He is not dead, calm your tits! But something is wrong with him. He was up all night, taking apart the whole gym in supernatural speed. And he murdered five punching bags. Five, Tony! That’s a lot.”

 

“Five? Wow… That’s a record, isn’t it?” asked Tony perplexed.

 

“I think so,” nodded Natasha and it seemed like she was calming down slowly, because she vanished her blade somewhere. Tony could cry from ease if he didn’t know he was never safe from her knifes, no matter if he saw them or not. “Well, do you have any idea what happened to him? I know it’s related to you somehow, so don’t even try to lie.” She flashed a threatening look at him, almost making Tony choke on fear, so it’s fortunate his indignation on the behalf of his virtue took control over his brain.

 

“It wasn’t me, I swear,” he cried outrageously. “Actually, why are you suspecting me in the first place? You know I would never hurt him or any of you, deliberately.”

 

“No, deliberately you wouldn’t, but you are just so stupid sometimes, you can’t help yourself.”

 

“Wow, thank you. I like you, too, Natasha.”

 

Well, that hurt. He didn’t know she thought so little of him until now. Why do people need enemies when they could have friends like this?

 

It seemed like his disappointment sat out onto his face against his will, because soon Natasha’s features softened and with a sight she crept a little closer to him so she could untuck his bangs from his forehead.

 

“I love you like a brother, Tony, but you can be so impulsive sometimes. It’s because you are insecure. I hate that you think your life and happiness matter less than anybody else’s. It’s good that we know you as well as we do, so we can just ignore you when we need to. You push away people constantly because you think you don’t deserve them. You wouldn’t do something like this with Steve, would you? He would be a mess without you. And you without him.”

 

“He is already a mess,” sighed Tony, glancing down onto his lap. “And I really don’t deserve him, since I haven’t got the littlest clue what to do to help him.”

 

Natasha considered him for a little while then took his left hand between her tiny ones and squeezed it gently.

 

“What happened?”

 

“He… I…” Tony rolled his eyes at his own stupid stuttering, and taking a deep breath he forced himself to form complete sentences. “I’m really not sure I should tell you, Nat. He was really upset yesterday while he talked with Bruce about something. I wasn’t even supposed to hear it, but I was in the lab when he came in, taking a nap so he didn’t notice me, and after they started talking about… about the thing, I just couldn’t leave,” he explained, really hoping it would be enough to soothe Natasha’s worry based curiosity.

 

Of course, it wasn’t.

 

“What? He told Bruce, he was gay? I thought he would tell _you_ first, or me for my trouble with always setting him up with girls. But why would he go to Bruce first? And why is he so upset about it? Does he know you heard it, too?”

 

“You knew he was gay?” blurted out Tony, while widening his eyes in shock at Natasha. She frowned back at him confusedly.

 

“Of course, I knew. Guy’s never looked at any girls like he wanted to eat them up alive, but always has his baby blues on your ass, so it’s not because of shyness or from the absence of sexual desire,” said Natasha, like she just told Tony about the weather.

 

He just stared at her like they didn’t speak the common tongue. Natasha’s frown deepened.

 

“What? Don’t tell me you didn’t know.”

 

Tony just shook his head, speechless. He was too dazed to do anything else.

 

“Oh, sweet hell! You two little lovebirds really just want to make my life miserable, don’t you?” Natasha shook her head in disbelief. “And I’ve been here, calmly waiting for the day when one of you would finally lose control, push the other up against a wall so you can make out with each other in a way that would make every panties wet and every pants tight. You two are technically married without rings and sex, I just would like to inform you, then.”

 

When Tony still just blinked at her totally flabbergasted, Natasha tsk-ed.

 

“You see? Genius or no, you male specimen of human beings are impossibly clueless, sometimes. But no matter, sweetheart, you will see it one day.” She petted Tony’s head gently, then took a big breath. “Okay, back to the original subject. Why was he so upset? Did someone make fun of him because of it? If so, just tell me a name, he will get their head on a silver tray for lunch. We have silver trays, right?”

 

Tony slowly came back to himself while Natasha rambled. His eyes fell to his lap again.

 

“I really don’t think I should tell you about this, ‘Thasa. It’s really personal, and I don’t think he wanted anyone to know about it, ever. He was just so agitated yesterday, it slipped out,” whispered Tony quietly, that made Natasha sigh again.

 

“Well, then… Do you really want to unleash me on Bruce? You can’t be that cruel, Tony.”

 

“Nat, don’t make me do this. He will never trust me again.” Tony knew he was whining, but he couldn’t help it. He felt like he was dying inside every time he thought about what Steve told Bruce about his childhood. He couldn’t imagine how he could talk about it loudly.

 

“Darling, you know I will got the information I want. If not from you, then from Bruce. You can be a sweetheart and tell me, or you can come with me and watch as I blackmail Bruce into telling me. It’s your decision. We both know how much I would hate to make him cry, right?” Natasha raised one of her eyebrows at him and Tony wanted to pull on her hair, just a little bit. But he wasn’t in the suicide mood today. But, well, if he was dead…

 

“Don’t even think about it, Tony! It wouldn’t work, just would make me really angry. And we would be here, pulling on each other’s hair until Jarvis sent the bots to part us.”

 

It seemed like Natasha was an expert in mindreading, too.

 

“You are a fucking psycho, you know that?” he complained, losing every hope to come out of this on the winning side. It’s not like he would ever had a chance with Natasha, anyway.

 

“I’ve been called worse, honey,” she patted his thigh affectionately, then raised her right eyebrow.

 

“Okay, okay, I give up.” Tony raised his hands in surrender, then took in a heavy breath, trying to calm his mind and preparing himselft to say _it_ out loud. His attempt wasn’t successful. “He told Bruce that… He was… That, he… Goddammit! He was abused and sexually assaulted as a child, Nat. I want to cry and vomit at the same time I’m so disgusted by that sick fuck!” he practically shouted his last sentence, but he was sure Natasha’s features didn’t changed from curious to stunned and finally murderous because of his tone.

 

“Who?” she asked in a dangerous voice and Tony was glad she turned her face away from him, because he didn’t want to welcome it back in his nightmares.

 

“It was the priest in the catholic home he was sent after his mom passed away. He told him he was gay during a confession. And his answer was what? Caning and humiliating him in front of the other kids, calling him sick, and then playing with him in his room. That pedophile fucker!”

 

Natasha just stared in front of herself for some moments, then nodded decisively and turned back toward Tony.

 

“Well, it’s a pity. I don’t think he is alive anymore, so unfortunately I have to wipe the whole Catholic Church out,” she said so seriously and confidently, Tony didn’t doubt she would be able to do so. He would never doubt Natasha’s skills.

 

“Well, I won’t stop you. But before you start to slaughter people, please, go and discuss it with Bruce,” Tony advised her with a tight smile.

 

“Yes, that’s a great idea. The Hulk will be delighted to help me.”

 

Tony rather kept his mouth shut before he could cause more damage. It was hard, he had to bit his lower lip very hard.

 

Natasha narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously, but didn’t pry, just slapped his thigh gently.

 

“Don’t hurt yourself. Did he told it anyone else?” she turned back the conversation to their original subject.

 

“His mom and Barnes. Either of them was exactly pleased. His mom just cried and asked him not to tell anyone, and Barnes… he was a little shit. I think… I think Steve was in love with him, but he didn’t even reacted anything after the poor kid got together his courage after months and told him, he was gay. He rather tried to set him up with girls.”

 

“Well, Barnes I can torture to death, at least,” said Natasha gravely.

 

“You really have to discuss this with Bruce!” Tony declared quickly, before he could offer up Iron Man’s assistance.

 

“I don’t need the Hulk’s help to…” But before Natasha could finish her sentence, a high, air-ripping sound could be heard in the workshop and out of the blue an arrow materialized next to Tony’s head, in the back of the couch.

 

Of course he didn’t have the time to process the fact he’d almost just died, before Clint’s outrageous voice forced him to pay his whole attention to him.

 

“Stark, what have you done?”

 

“Oh, my god! Not you, too,” murmured Tony almost inaudibly, then successfully understood how the arrow found its way into his couch.

 

“You fucking tried to kill me?” he jumped up from the couch, shaking; he didn’t know if it was from the aftershock of his almost death or from fury because of his friend’s betrayal.

 

“Please…” Clint rolled his eyes. “If I tried to kill you, you would be dead by now. You know I never miss.” He put another arrow into his bow and pointed it at Tony. “Now, you tell me what you have done or this cutie will find her way into your tummy.”

 

“You would have the cheeks to kill me with the arrows I gave you? You are shameless,” argued Tony heatedly. He knew he was playing with his life, but for fuck’s sake! Why were his friends like this? First Natasha, now Clint… What will happen next? Thor will teleport into his workshop and will smash his head with Mjolnir or what? He had to change down his friends. It was decided.

 

“Oh, yes, I am. So stop whining and tell me what you have done with Steve!”

 

“I have done NOTHING!”

 

“Then why did he drink 2 gals extra sugary cocoa and passed out in the kitchen from sugar poisoning? Hm? WHY?”

 

“He did what?” Tony’s voice was high with panic and he didn’t want to do anything else but go to Steve, look him over, make certain he was alright and take care of him the whole day. Maybe cuddle him. Just a little.

 

“Boys, stop shouting at each other.” Suddenly Natasha interrupter their out-of-hand screaming-fest and stepped between them. “Clint, put away your bow, please. I know it’s hard to believe, but Tony really was a good boy, for once.”

 

That’s it. He doesn’t need this team anymore. He will be a lone Avenger and will live at Pepper’s. Her couch is nice and big. Probably comfy, too. She wouldn’t be so mean and not to give him shelter, right? RIGHT?

 

He’d just opened his mouth to tell about his decision to _these people_ when suddenly a blinding light took away his vision for some seconds, so when he was able to see again, he could admire a victoriously posing Thor in the doorway with an unconscious Steve on his left shoulder.

 

“My friends! I’m back!” His voice thundered through the workshop. Or was that the weather? When did it start to rain?

 

Before any of them could react anything else, but gape at him soundlessly, he strode toward Tony – carrying Steve on his shoulder like he was weightless – and pointed Mjolnir at him.

 

“Friend Anthony, I’m deeply disappointed in you! What have you done with our good Captain?”

 

Tony knew he should have been shaking and begging for his life. He _knew_. The Norse God of Thunder was threatening him with his hammer and eyed him murderously. That would be enough for anyone to piss their pants. It wasn’t his fault, really, he tried to maintain his temper, but failed and lost it. Like completely.

 

“You have to be kidding me!” he face-palmed so hard, he was afraid, he gave himself at least one black eye then a hysterical laughter just bubbled out of his chest without his consent. And he couldn’t stop it, no matter how he tried. The more he wanted to calm down, the more he couldn’t breathe. In the end he needed to sit down onto the floor, his chest was clamping so badly.

 

“My person is so amusing to you, Anthony?” Thor spoke again in his mighty, authoritative voice, and Tony was damn near to start to slap the floor with his palms when Natasha’s sudden shout grounded him a little.

 

“Now, everyone will put away their weapons and stop acting like children!” She continued in a gentler way. “Thor, we are very happy to see you again, we missed you. Now, could you, please, put Steve down onto the couch? All of his blood went into his head already. It’s not healthy.”

 

“Oh, yes, of course. Sorry!” murmured Thor, and went to do as he was told.

 

“Tony, you have to calm down.” He heard Natasha’s voice whispering next to his left ear. “You will chase yourself into a panic attack, if you continue this. Steve is here, he needs you. I know it’s hard, but you have to be here now, okay?” When Tony nodded – or did something similar to it –, gentle fingers wiped away the wetness from his face – and wow, when did he start to cry? –, then he found himself in a tight hug. He buried his face into Natasha’s neck and inhaled the fresh scent of her hair deeply. He wasn’t laughing anymore, just cried quietly. “Sssshhh… That’s it. You are doing great. I’m sorry we all jumped into the wrong conclusion. We didn’t want to hurt you. It’s just that we’ve never seen Steve like this before and you two are so close. We thought…”

 

“I would never _ever_ hurt him like this,” declared Tony between two sobs.

 

Natasha rubbed his back soothingly.

 

“I know. I’m sorry, we were stupid. Forgive us?”

 

Tony just nodded into her shoulder, slowly settling down.

 

“Are you alright, Tony?” Thor’s much quieter and calmer voice came from somewhere near his back, and soon he felt another hand on him that was much bigger than Natasha’s, but equally gentle and steadying. “I didn’t hurt you accidentally, did I?”

 

Tony slowly unfolded from Natasha’s arms, gave her a thankful smile, and turned toward Thor, who was squatting next to him, a worried frown on his face. Tony loved this guy dearly. Although sometimes he was hot-headed and just the littlest bit arrogant – but hey, he was a crown prince –, he had the biggest heart in the nine realms – yes, he knew that now – and would do anything for those he cared about.

 

“Hello, big guy! You didn’t hurt me, sorry for the little display,” he babbled while Thor helped him up from the floor. He wiped the tears away from his face quickly. “We missed you. How was the honeymoon? You should have sent a postcard, at least, we were worried about you. And you teleport now?”

 

“Oh, yes!” Thor beamed at him. “Loki taught me. He is alive, can you believe that?” he grinned at all of them and no one had the heart not to smile back. Although everything they have done against each other, Thor was completely devastated after his brother’s “death”. It was heartbreaking even to look at him. Of course, the team couldn’t really share his mourning and sorrow, Loki wasn’t their favorite person and they never really understand the love-hate dynamics of the brothers, but… Well, neither of them spent thousands of years with another person by their side before, so they couldn’t judge. The brothers’ relationship was on a complete other level that they just couldn’t comprehend. And it seemed like they made peace with each other, at least. Hopefully, Loki made peace with himself, too.

 

“Well, yes, we had the luck to meet him again. He was a sweetheart, really. Saved the day and all. But how is he not dead?” Tony inquired, but Thor’s heartfelt little tale needed to wait to be told, because Steve started to groan on the couch, asking after Tony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is deeply appreciated. 
> 
> xoxo


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! :)

 

Steve heard voices. Pleasant voices. They were familiar. Affectionate. He liked them.

 

Their owners talked about something. Or someone? Some kind of…luck… lock?... Loki? Yes, that sounded right. He knew someone called that. From where, he didn’t know. And didn’t want to. He only wanted to… Just…

 

Wait!

 

He knew this voice. He _loved_ this voice!

 

 _His_ voice.

 

Tony.

 

He tried to open his eyes in his sudden recognition, but thought better of it after some evil sunrays wanted to blind him permanently. Strange, he was sure he woke to thunder sounds. Did he just imagine it?

 

“Tony…” he said. Or he attempted, but it came out rather like a groan. So he tried again. “Tony?”

 

Abruptly all of the noises died down around him, even Tony’s voice. He didn’t like that. He loved to listen to it.

 

But he didn’t need to suffer for long from its absence, because in a heartbeat cool and gentle fingers traced his forehead to remove his hair from it and Tony’s sweet baritone chased away the deafening silence again.

 

“Steve? How are you feeling?” he inquired almost in a whisper. Steve didn’t understand why he sounded so worried and uncertain. He was just taking a nice little nap, there was no reason to be worried about him.

 

However, just in the same time with his previous thought, the fog promptly lifted off of his now mostly awake brain and…

 

He needed to realize he didn’t feel so fine, after all.

 

“M’ belly hurts. Head, too,” he murmured, slowly attempting to open his eyes again, miraculously succeeding this time. While his vision found and brain processed Tony’s concerned features above him, the next words slipped his lips on their own will. “Need to pee very bad.”

 

But eventually he was glad he said them, since Tony’s frown melted away from his face almost instantly, and a mischievous light flashed in his eyes.

 

“Well, serves you right for partying hard the whole night and morning without me, you little shit. You gave us quite the fright. Just ask your team over there,” he pointed with his thumb behind his back, “I was almost executed by them for three times in the last half an hour, they were so delirious with worry.”

 

Steve didn’t really understand Tony’s every word yet – not like that was an uncommon thing –, but he still got up onto his forearms, so he could look over his left shoulder, and narrowing his eyes he was able to stare right at an awkwardly waving Natasha, Clint and… Thor? Well, that’s how came and went so suddenly the thundering. They were evidently up to no good before he woke up, it was enough to him just to look at their silly, pretended, too bright grins to know.

 

He waved them back, anyway.

 

He slowly trailed his eyes over the workshop. The workshop? Why was he in the workshop, come again?

 

The bots were at their charging station, chirping and whirring pretty indignantly between themselves, while Jarvis quietly tried to calm them down. The floor was scattered with the parts of Tony’s suit. Ugh… Suits, actually. At least two. There were several unwashed coffee cups on the counter, and knowing Tony that wasn’t a good sign.

 

Tony himself looked quite disheveled. His working clothes were rumpled and stained with greasy oil spots, his eyes puffy and red, like he’d cried just a little while ago, dark circles under them, and he had the most spectacular bed hair Steve’s ever seen. Compared to the other three’s usual, immaculate attire and well-groomed appearance he was a right mess. A very pretty mess, but still worrisome.

 

And there was an arrow in the couch above his legs…

 

He fell back onto his back with a light groan, shutting his eyes down again.

 

“I don’t even want to know,” he sighed, earning a quiet chuckle from Tony.

 

He slowly forced his eyes open once more, just so he could watch his delighted face until it lasted. He was so beautiful when he laughed. It was such a pity he did it only rarely.

 

When Tony composed himself, he caught his eyes and stood up from the spot where he was crouching until now.

 

“You know where the bathroom is, big guy. Can you stand up?” Tony asked gently, but before Steve could respond or even nod, Thor came into his line of view and gently grabbing his right hand he pulled him first into a standing position, then into a tight hug. Steve was always surprised how careful and tender the guy could be despite his impressive bulk and buoyant presence.

 

“Captain, I’m so delighted to see you up and well once again. I was so worried when I arrived back and found you unconscious in the kitchen, on the floor furthermore.” Thor patted his back lightly and Steve couldn’t see anything but his golden locks. Their always lingering sweet scent was a little bit too much for his recently naughty belly, but he didn’t reject the affectionate gesture nonetheless. He missed the big guy pretty much.

 

“You left him on the kitchen floor, you duck?” came Tony’s indignant voice from somewhere behind Thor’s back that was followed with Clint similar one.

 

“Why? Guy’s twice my size, what was I supposed to do? Drag him around the tower by his legs, or what? I came here for help, didn’t I?”

 

“You came here to assassinate me, Legolas.”

 

“I was worried!”

 

“And the only thing you could do in your epic worry was to shoot me down?”

 

“I was very worried?”

 

“Not accepted.”

 

“Okay, fine. I’m sorry. I won’t shoot at you again. Happy, now?”

 

“No, but I appreciate your apology.”

 

“Thank you ever so much.”

 

By the time the two finished their little bickering – that Steve didn’t want to know the origin of – the hug started to feel somewhat suffocating so with a final pat he stepped away from Thor. And, well, his bladder demanded its release pretty adamantly.  

 

“I’m glad to see you, too, Thor. We were worried about you,” he smiled at the blond god. “I will be right back,” he murmured and speeded towards the bathroom.

 

 

 

Tony’s workshop bathroom wasn’t anything extraordinary, despite the man living most of his life in this place. There was a tiny shower cabin, a toilet and a wash basin with a mirrored medicine cabinet above it that hide all of his toiletries. Some clean towels on the drier and a dirty AC/DC t-shirt on the floor.

 

And it was the perfect place for Steve to lock himself away for a bit. He just… needed a little time to pull himself together, considering…

 

No, we are not going there just yet.

 

But after relieving himself and washing his hands and face – twice – he couldn’t not go there anymore, because… He remembered.

 

About yesterday.

 

About Bruce.

 

About the medicine.

 

About his _confession_.

 

Tony.

 

The gym.

 

Tony.

 

The kitchen.

 

Tony.

 

A _lot_ of sugar.

 

 _Tony_.

 

 

“Fuck!” with angry moves he splashed cold water in his face the third time, then trying very hard to avoid the mirror – he didn’t need to see his reflection at the moment, he was sure – he dried himself up with a towel.

 

And wished himself unconscious again.

 

Just why did he need to open his big, dumb mouth? Seriously… Everything was fine until now, really, if he didn’t…

 

No, it wasn’t about… about _that_. Not anymore. He… He understand what Bruce told him yesterday. That, he was normal, not a sinful hedonist, not… _sick_. Bruce would never lie to him and he was a professional in these kind of things. He would trust the man with his life, so of course, he believed him.

 

But…

 

But it was hard to get used to. It’s not like anyone ever accepted him with his… orientation. Not even Bucky… And after him… after him he just couldn’t tell anyone else. No, it hurt too much. Although he didn’t even tell him about… the _other thing_. And that was for the better. At least, he remained his friend.

 

And of course, he wasn’t blind. He saw how these kind of things went in this century. He just… avoided it completely. Since he didn’t understand it. And really, didn’t want to. He didn’t see why he should have just given in to his sinful desires and taken up with a male. No, he wasn’t like that. He was too stubborn for that. His best and worst quality. And there was always the chance that one day he would meet a nice girl, fall in love and settle down. Like he would have liked it with Peggy. Well, it wasn’t like he was particularly in love with her, but… he adored her with all his heart. The same way he came to adore Natasha. But he could never look at her in any other way than a sister, so maybe in the long run their relationship with Peggy wouldn’t have worked out, either – or probably would have. There was no way to be sure, actually. They’d never got the chance to try. There was a war to fight, lives to save, HYDRA fanatics to defeat and then… and then he got himself frozen for almost 70 years, so…

 

“Steve, are you alright in there?” suddenly Tony’s concerned voice interrupted his inner monologue but instead of shaking him out of it completely, it just lead his thoughts to other kind of insecurities.

 

Tony.

 

Oh, yeah, his beautiful, genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, superhero of a best friend. What was this thing with him and falling in love with his best mates, he didn’t know. He only knew one thing; and it was that now that Tony know about him being gay, it would be obvious to him how head over heels in love he was with him. It was evident even for himself how he behaved around the man; like a lovesick puppy, really.

 

And although Bruce declared Tony himself was open to same sex relationships, he couldn’t see how the man would want anything romantically advanced with him. Oh, he knew that Tony would be more than up to some quick tryst, but he didn’t need that, didn’t want that. What he wanted was so much more than his body, and he just couldn’t see how Tony would be open to a relationship with someone emotionally as insecure as him. And he would never ruin their friendship with stupid, meaningless sexual adventures. No, Tony meant so much more to him than that.

 

So there was only one thing to do.

 

He didn’t want it, but he had to do it anyway. It would be for the…

 

“Steve? I will put back together one of my suits real quick and break in the door, if you don’t answer like in… two seconds,” Tony’s slightly agitated voice came behind the door of the bathroom and now it successfully made Steve came back to his senses.

 

His hands shook when he reached for the knob, but he managed to speak in a steady voice after he opened the door.

 

“Or you could always just call for Thor, now that he is back,” he sent a little smile to a pretty impatient looking Tony, that he hoped didn’t seem as fake as it felt.

 

“Oh, no. No way! He already saved the day once today, when he magiced himself into here with you on his shoulder. It was my turn. And he won’t destroy anything in my workshop. I can’t allow that, it’s my job,” Tony narrowed his eyes at him with a worried little pout on his lips. “You alright?”

 

“Yeah, of course. Sorry, 2 gals of cocoa takes some time to come out,” he lied hopefully smoothly, while taking off to the couch.

 

Natasha and Clint were seemingly immersed in something Thor described about some kind of feasts and seductive leather pants and delicate necks with enviable passion, but were obviously aware about Steve being back in the room.

 

Tony hummed to his previous statement suspiciously, but thankfully didn’t pry the subject, rather clapped his hands together once, demanding everyone’s attention.

 

“Okay, kids! Day care is over, go and play in the living room. Call Bruce, too. He could use some fun time out of his lab for once.”

 

Natasha’s features instantly hardened, and he nodded at Tony.

 

“Yes. Come, Clint. We have a new mission,” she said while turning on her heels and striding out of the workshop. The other two followed her.

 

“What? What kind of mission? I don’t know anything about a new mission.”

 

“It’s came up suddenly. You can come along, too, Thor. It will be fun.”

 

“I’m always up for a good battle.”

 

“We know that, big guy.”

 

“Natasha, don’t you dare!” Tony shouted after them, but he was ignored completely as the elevator door closed behind them. Then, with a little sigh, he turned toward Steve. “I’m sorry. Seems like I’ve just doomed your wintery buddy to a very painful death.”

 

Steve stood up abruptly from the couch.

 

“What? You told them?”

 

His heart was beating so fast in his chest he could feel it against his ribs. He never felt so betrayed before. Not even when SHIELD turned out to be a massive HYDRA nest.

 

“I only told Nat. I’m so very sorry, Steve. I didn’t want to, but she was so worried about you. And you know how she is. Kind of blackmailed me into telling her, saying if I wouldn’t tell, he would go to Bruce. At least we could agree on that we didn’t need that, right?” Tony explained patiently, although his brows was furrowed into an agitated little frown.

 

And Steve knew he was right.  And still, he was so upset. Not exactly at Tony, no. But at himself, a little, and this whole fucking mess of a situation. He didn’t want this. Never wanted anyone to know; not just about his orientation, but… _the other things._ Mostly the other things, really.

 

“Steve, come on! Sit down,” Tony grabbed his right wrist and pulled him down onto the coach. He curled up next to him, also. The arrow was still right there, between them, and Tony pulled it out of the cushion of the furniture with a slight eye-roll and threw it away. “Fucking Barton,” he murmured almost inaudibly, and before Steve could send a warning gaze to him, he continued. “Anyway, Nat already knew that you were gay, because she is a psycho and…”

 

“And she wanted to set me up with girls to make me normal, just like Bucky did?” Steve interrupted Tony with a slightly raised voice. “That’s just so nice.”

 

Bruce told him, his team would accept him like this, but it seemed like…

 

“What? Of course not,” he heard Tony’s similarly raised, but mostly confused voice. “Don’t even go there. Okay, I see how what she has been doing resembles a lot what Barnes had done but I’m pretty sure she just wanted to snap you out of your denial and make you come out at least for us. That girl is so protective of you she almost cut my throat this morning because she thought I did something that made you destroy the gym.”

 

“And this should comfort me?”

 

“Well, yes!”

 

“It doesn’t. Is this why you were crying?” Steve asked, and it was hard not to cup Tony’s face into his hands and kiss his still puffy eyes. He was so much more sensitive than he liked to let on. Steve sometimes just wanted to gather him into his arms and protect him from everyone and everything, even from himself.

 

“Of course not! I’m not afraid of her. I didn’t even cry,” denied Tony vehemently.

 

“Tony.”

 

And it was enough to Steve just to call his name quietly and Tony’s gaze instantly fell onto his lap is submission, and he shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly.

 

“Okay, I cried a little, alright? But it wasn’t because… It wasn’t just Natasha, but… All of them blamed me, Steve… All of them thought I did something horrible to you, and… and they are right, aren’t they?

 

“Tony.”

 

“How come I didn’t know how you felt all this time? How come I didn’t even notice something wasn’t right with you. That you were suffering? I let you down and I’m so sorry. I…”

 

“Tony.”

 

“You still think I only see you as a successful lab experiment and that is not true, Steve. You are my best friend and…”

 

“Tony, stop!”

 

“And you didn’t even come to me with all this shit because you know I can’t handle emotions well. You can’t even trust me with the important things, so…”

 

“Tony, it’s enough!” Steve suddenly gave in to his long-lived desire and took Tony’s face into his hands, gently forcing him to stop rambling. Maybe it was good that he spoke about his feelings since he did it only on rare occasions, but everything that came out of his mouth was just so stupid Steve wanted to rip out his own hair strand by strand.

 

And this was all his fault.

 

“Nothing you said is true. You didn’t know because I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want anyone to know, really. You heard why I went to Bruce yesterday. Not because I wanted to confess to someone, but because I wanted help so I could be normal.” Tony opened his lips, maybe to tell him his sexual orientation was a perfectly normal thing, so he continued quickly. “And I understand now that I’m not sick, it’s just hard to comprehend since no one ever told me otherwise, so I lived my whole life in a lie. I know it’s stupid and I should have…”

 

“It’s not stupid, Steve,” Tony shook his head – or at least tried – with Steve’s hands still on his face, so he slowly let him go. “You were abused as a child for something that is a part of you, that you couldn’t do anything about and is perfectly normal. That shit would fuck anyone up and I’m surprised you didn’t become a mass murdering sociopath. People turned mad from less. And I’m so glad Bruce was able to tidy up the mess in your head a little that I think I will give the man a new PhD for his next birthday.”

 

An amused chuckle forced itself out of Steve’s chest at the decisive statement.

 

“You can do that?” It wasn’t really a question, Steve knew what kind of things Tony was able to do.

 

“I can arrange it,” Tony sent a charming little grin towards him that Steve wanted to kiss into a wholehearted smile.

 

_Woah, control yourself, Rogers!_

 

“I think he deserves it,” Steve smiled back at him, but before Tony could describe how he would do it – that would be a fascinating plan like always when he found out something – Steve continued in a much more serious tone. “But first of all, I would like to apologize for shouting at you yesterday, Tony. I shouldn’t have done that, and I know you didn’t mean what you said on the helicarrier like I didn’t mean what I said. We barely knew each other back then and the scepter worked its evil magic on us. I was just upset and didn’t think about what I said, just wanted to get away from there. So I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?”

 

“Hey, it’s okay. No permanent damage done. No need to apologize. But it’s good to know you don’t think I was serious when I…” But he couldn’t finish what he wanted to say because out of the blue a robotic arm appeared between them with an empty, dirty coffee cup in its claws, ferociously shaking it in front of Tony’s face.

 

For some seconds the both of them just stared confusedly at their unexpected interruption, but since Tony was pretty used to these kind of anomalies, he pulled himself together quickly and turned towards their little disturber with a strict expression.

 

“Dum-E, what is the meaning of this? We were having a serious conversation here, if you failed to notice,” he inquired from the AI indignantly.

 

Dum-E whirred and chirped something back and shook the cup even more vehemently.

 

“You want to make us coffee? Couldn’t you wait like… five more minutes?”

 

Dum-E chirped again and Tony rolled his eyes.

 

“I think he is just worried about your health, sir, since you have been up for almost an hour by now, but haven’t drunk even one cup of coffee yet, even though you had been attacked three times already” said Jarvis, and although Tony told him countless times already that AI-s didn’t get emotional – Dum-E was a big exception, of course – Steve would swear his voice was amused.

 

“Aww, he is a sweetheart, isn’t he?” Steve patted Dum-E’s arm affectionately and he made an almost purring sound. He liked the little guy quite much. Maybe because he spent long nights teaching him different things after Tony passed out, or maybe because Tony was the center both of their universes… No matter, really.

 

“Steve, you’ve spoiled him rotten,” Tony complained without actually meaning it, since there was a playful little grin on his face. “Okay, go and make coffee if you must. But find clean cups and no oil goes into them, do you hear me?”

 

Dum-E went away happily whirring and started to set up the coffee machine. Tony watched his every movement worriedly, like he was really afraid the AI would try to poison them with something.

 

It was a perfect opportunity for Steve to admire his beautiful face. Tony was a pleasant sight to behold, for sure; messy, but shiny brown hair, that Steve always wanted to mess up even more, a perfectly high forehead that he just wanted to kiss all the time along with that cute little nose of his. Huge, sharp eyes that just radiated with his intelligence, but somehow still managed to appear doe-like and were the exact same color as melted chocolate; they were so pretty Steve would’ve been content with staring into them for the rest of his life. And those lips! Sweet Christ, those full, pouty, pink lips… They practically screamed to be ravished anytime when they weren’t forming words with the clever little thoughts that came from their owner’s genius mind. Sometimes, even then. Oh, and that tongue. That tongue that had just licked over the perfectly shaped lips to wet them a little. Did he mention that tongue before? No? Well, that’s because Steve was forbidden to think about it, ever. There were good reasons for that.

 

Among other things it was the fact that everything seemed to cease existing when he did that, and the only thing remained was a sinful, dirty fantasy about how Tony would…

 

_Don’t even think about going there, Rogers!_

But it was too late, now; he went there. And he went in deep.

 

He wouldn’t come back anytime soon if gentle fingertips on his face wouldn’t have snapped him out of his little daydream.

 

“Hey, Steve, are you with me?” Tony’s apprehensive tone welcomed him back and when his eyes focused on the genius before him, he almost freaked out.

 

Tony’s face was pretty close to his. Close enough for him to be able to see the slightly darker brown rings around his chocolate irises. He could count his long lashes from this close, feel his warm exhales. And he only needed to lean just a little bit closer to be able to press his lips against those invitingly full, rosy ones.  

 

_God, I want him so damn much._

So it was almost a reflex, really, how he grabbed Tony’s face in his palms and pulled him closer to himself with a gentle move, so their lips could brush together just for the slightest of a touch. And even this felt so, so good, already. Having Tony this close, while he didn’t even try to push him away, rather fisted his hands into Steve’s t-shirt and held tight, so he couldn’t move away even if he wanted, felt surreal. Just like the curious light that shone in his pretty eyes.

 

They stayed like that for quite a while; just staring at each other, searching the answers for questions that weren’t even asked yet, breathing the same air, feeling the warmth that radiated from the body opposite them, and really, just enjoying the other’s closeness.

 

Minutes or hours flew like this, neither of them knew. And neither of them cared. Their lips brushed on occasions, and every time that happened a nice shiver run through Steve’s body that made the goosebumps come out on his arms.

 

He literally could’ve stayed like this for the rest of his life and never wish for anything else.

 

And maybe they would have done exactly that, since neither Tony nor Steve was very keen on attempting to close or widen the distance between them; this was perfectly enough for both of them in the moment. So probably it was a good thing that suddenly something crashed on the floor somewhere near, making them pull away from the other so fast it seemed like they’d just burned themselves with the other’s skin.

 

Their gaze still lingered on one another for a little bit of time that was just enough for Steve to register Tony’s startled expression, before an agitated whirring stole both of their attentions.

 

Steve’s gaze focused next on a guiltily waving Dum-E, a puddle of coffee on the floor and the remains of two cups.

 

He couldn’t decide if he loved or hated the little guy for his clumsiness at the moment.

 

“I… I have to go,” he mumbled rather to himself than to Tony, before jumping up from the couch and technically sprinting to the door of the workshop.

 

He still heard Tony’s raised voice after the door closed behind him, threatening Dum-E with a complete software upgrade and the loss of his arm, but the only thing he was able to concentrate on was his own inner voice that screamed at him without pause.

 

_What have I done?_

_This was exactly what I wanted to avoid._

 

_Congratulations, Rogers, you have done it again._

_Very smart._

_You fucking stupid bastard!_

_WHAT HAVE I DONE???_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback, please? :)
> 
> xoxo


End file.
